Through the intensity of the training--the way it brings your right up to the thin veil between life and death--I am formulating some ideas surrounding eating disorders and how they are essentially a precursor to death and hospice-level care; if not physically, then most definitely spiritually.
I don't know how one just "gets" an eating disorder. I have never understood that.
Based on my loose hypothesis, I have been dying for twenty years.
Maybe that is why I appreciate life's beauty so deeply. I always feel I am on borrowed time.
This is the gift of suffering.
In her book, On Death and Dying, Swiss-born psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outlines the five stages of grief in the dying process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Living life with an eating disorder, I guarantee a person goes through one or all of these stages. One MUST go through these stages and the last and final stage, acceptance, will determine the prognosis.
ACCEPTANCE can come in two forms for the woman (or man) who suffers with an eating disorder.
- I accept that I have an eating disorder, and I am powerless against it. It is my death sentence.
- I accept that I have an eating disorder, and I acknowledge the astonishing light of my own being. I grieve the loss of the days, months, and years of time lost to the neurotic counting of calories or bending over the toilet to purge. I move forward in the direction of my dreams. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me, and I choose--I ACCEPT--life.
There will be much more on this topic, but I need to make some more connections and theories. Good quality of life is the ultimate goal on the road to happiness. As often as you can, choose life.