The skin I wear has not always been comfortable. I wore it crooked and inside out, wrinkled and sometimes backward. Every morning, I stepped into whatever integumentary armor I needed to walk through the valley of shadows. Forging the path of personal truth, I found myself in a seemingly perpetual purgatory. Limbo was a game to taunt and tantalize the better parts of me. There in the gray, I wistfully lingered albeit not without indomitability. Almost as if in an instant, like a flash, I became aroused by the sensual nature of existing in this space and this time. This skin, this guise of my soul, houses bones of valor, an essence of love, and these celestial cells which are teeming with life. It is ridiculously inconceivable to embrace the heart of darkness without acknowledging its dichotomous nature. Where there is darkness there has been a light removed. The skin is the external vessel to contain our souler spectrometer—the innate instrument by which we can discover and measure our luminosity. Life is a dance with light. This body—your body—no matter how big or small or short or tall or wild, is the cosmos’ way of exploring itself. All melts away in the radiance of pure light. All that remains is you, undisguised.
Art by DELA
"The spiritualization of sensuality is called LOVE." Friedrich Nietzsche
I could only think of pineapple. I was deep in my dance, sweating my prayers and moving love up the spirit channels of my being--body tingling, love for the World, and eyes to God.
It has been a wild week of processing and becoming. As the waning moon turns to crescent, faithfully to become the New Moon shadow, my whole being is doing the opposite. I stand in full illumination--the light of my own Being and the light of Love. I brought this to the dance floor this morning. Dancing is my ritual, the dance floor a place for alchemy. All this love and light and magic and movement makes perfect sense to me. I have no sort of trouble uncovering it, integrating it, or knowing its potency. I know love. While communing with this Divine idea through awareness of body and sacred silence, my monkey mind began to wander. Not only did it wander, it began to yell mean things. It lost track of the rhythm and fell from exaltation. It began to remind me of the things I have been carrying around for decades. My Shadow Self was personified in thought.
"Your thighs are big."
"Your belly is unbecoming."
"You better not eat today."
"I'll never be beautiful like she is."
"I want pineapple!"
Pineapple? Odd timing for an intense craving. The moment my mind found pineapple, the mean words seemed to dissipate. I invited the reprieve, and I focused on the rhythm, the heartbeat, the sweat. I returned to body. My teal-painted toenails began to desire pineapple. My shins, knees, thighs craved luscious, juicy pineapple. My belly grumbled, my mouth watered for this exquisite fruit. Because of pineapple, I began to realize the sentience of sensuality. I danced through this. This body craving pineapple is the same body who delights in the Love of the Oneness of all beings. This is my body. This is my love. And this pineapple is damn tasty.
May you and all beings find this delicious reverie. May your sky be as blue as it's ever been, or may you find solace and comfort in the cloudy day. My each bite of food nourish your senses. May you laugh wildly, dance ecstatically, and unfold sensually.